i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize