that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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