trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize