How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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