how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
