Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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