The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
