how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
