Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have aggressive nipples.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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