Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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