i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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