you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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