Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
