remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
