How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
