Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
