Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
