After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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