She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
