I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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