Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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