How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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