some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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