i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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