Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
