Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
this is an emotional support booty call
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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