I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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