Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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