there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
