thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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