A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
