the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
