Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
