I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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