I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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