My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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