I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
