I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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