i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
