i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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