You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
