Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
