I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
