Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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