You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
