I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
