i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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