My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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