How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
