I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
