So drunk its hurt
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
