rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
