In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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