I am midnight drunk by noon
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
