I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I deserve this hangover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
