Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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