You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As shirtless as possible
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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