I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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