Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
