I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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