No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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