I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
