the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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