I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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