last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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