I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
