im six kinds of drunk right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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