Got a toothbrush?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
