thus making me awesome and them whores
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
