i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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