i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it glows. i had to have it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
