You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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